Arwent
by TauVertex
Summary: Arwen leaves Aragorn to be with Treebeard! A shipping parody.


_This is a silly little story I wrote several months ago. I wanted to poke fun at all the crazy shipping pairings in fan fiction, so I came up with the stupidest pairing I could think of and wrote a short story about it. Please do not take it too seriously. I hope you enjoy it. _

**Arwent**

"Honey, I'm home!" Aragorn called out as he walked through the front door of his house. He took off his crown and tossed it on the couch. "I had a great day today. I love being the king of Gondor. Ordering people around is fun."

He sat down on the couch and started to watch a sitcom on the Palantir. Arwen walked up behind him.

"Aragorn," she said abruptly, "I'm leaving you."

"What did you say Arwennypoo?" he said, not really paying attention, while watching two hobbits argue over who was the father of their half-dwarf baby.

"I've been seeing someone else."

That got his attention. Aragorn jumped up from the couch.

"What?! Who is he?" he said, practically shouting.

Arwen sighed happily as she replied, "Treebeard."

"WHAT?! Why him and not me?"

"Well, for starters, we're a lot closer in age," Arwen said matter-of-factly, "Also, since he's a tree, I don't have to worry about the whole mortality thing. Besides, he's such a hunk!"

Aragorn felt sick. Arwen happily skipped out the door and slammed it behind her. Aragorn was left standing and staring at the door in a daze.

"What am I going to do now?"

* * *

Arwen ran all the way to Fangorn forest to find Treebeard. 

"Treeeeeeebeardy, where are youuu?" she called out into the forest. She smiled when she found the huge ent, but her smile turned to a frown when she noticed another woman sitting on his shoulder. It was Eowyn.

"WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?!" Arwen shouted up at Treebeard.

Treebeard very slowly replied, "Hroom, hello Arwen. Eowyn and I have been getting acquainted."

"You mean you've been cheating on me while I've been cheating on Aragorn?! Come down here Eowyn! I need to have a talk with you!"

Treebeard lowered Eowyn to the ground.

"You stay away from him. I had Treebeard first!" Arwen said straight to Eowyn's face.

"Why should you have him all to yourself?" Eowyn asked, "Besides, I deserve him more than you do!"

"How so?"

Eowyn thought for a second before replying, "Well, I killed the Witch King of Angmar with one blow!"

"Oh yeah? Well I rescued Frodo and carried him to Rivendell when he..."

"No, you didn't do that," Eowyn interrupted, shaking her head, "that was Glorfindel. You only rescued Frodo in the movie."

Arwen suddenly burst into tears. "I only have two lines in the entire book outside of the appendices," she sobbed, "I have to take what I can get!"

Eowyn felt sorry for the crying elf. "Oh there there. It's not so bad.", Eowyn said as she hugged Arwen. As they were doing that, they heard two voices coming from behind them.

"You have no idea where we're going," a gruff and very annoyed voice said from a short distance away.

"I know exactly where we're going. I know Fangorn forest like the back of my bow," a sing-songy voice said in reply.

"Then why have we been wandering for three days?" questioned the gruff voice.

"I wanted you to see every single part of it," the first voice answered back.

"I still think we're lost,"

The voices belonged to Gimli and Legolas. They stopped when they noticed Treebeard and the two women.

"Oh, hello ladies," said Legolas with a smile, "I thought you were at Minas Tirith."

Arwen replied, "We were having a dispute about Treebeard, but I think we've made up now."

"Yes, we have. We're the only two girls in this story. We have to stick together!", said Eowyn.

"Not the only two girls,", said a feminine voice behind a tree. Out stepped Galadriel, much to the delight of Gimli. His pleasure turned to rage when she started cuddling up to Treebeard.

"She chooses a walking tree over a handsome dwarf like me?" he said as he took out his axe, "I'll teach him!"

"Agh!" Treebeard shouted as he and Galadriel took off into the forest with Gimli in hot pursuit. The others watched them until they were out of sight.

"I guess I'll go back to Minas Tirith," said Eowyn, "At least Faramir didn't have a dozen girlfriends."

Arwen replied, "Lucky for you. You try being married to a guy like Aragorn. Girls follow him everywhere he goes."

"Are you serious? I can marry Aragorn?" Eowyn said hopefully.

"No."

"Aw fiddlesticks. Well, I'm off then."

After she had left, Legolas approached Arwen. "Want to have dinner some time?" he asked her.

"NO! Your part was so lame in Pirates of the Caribbean. I can hardly stand to be near you!" she shouted and took off running in the other direction.

"Wait! Come back!" he shouted after her in vain.

"Just so you know," Gimli said suddenly from behind him, "Will Turner was my least favorite character also."

Then he took off running as fast as his legs could carry him.

"COME BACK HERE SHORTY!" Legolas yelled and began running after him.

* * *

After dating several of the ents in Fangorn forest, Arwen decided that ents were the most boring conversationalists she had ever met. She reluctantly returned to Minas Tirith. As she was walking to the citadel, she noticed the White Tree of Gondor in the center of the courtyard. She smiled.

* * *

Aragorn was still staring dumbfounded at the door when one of his servants came in.

"Sir," he said, "you will want to see this."

Coming out of his daze, Aragorn followed him outside to the courtyard. There he saw Arwen making out with the White Tree of Gondor. He fainted on the spot.

The End

* * *

_DISCLAIMER: I obviously do not own The Lord of the Rings. I also don't have anything against Pirates of the Caribbean or Will Turner, so please do not flame me. _


End file.
